May 8th 2002

As an independent musician, Jak Locke knows how the real world works. Being a starving artist doesn't quite perpetuate an idealistic nature. However, when he hits big and becomes an international sex symbol and recording star, his wacky views on life will inevitably hold just as much weight as, say, Rosie O'Donnel's. And this will be great for Jak, since his music deals either with deeply held opinions and beliefs...or just stream-of-consciousness gobbledegook. I have striven to conduct an interview that will bring out the latter of these traits...but it seems my questions were the only thing weird about the interview. Without any further ado...the world according to Jak.

RA: If you were the king of your own island country, say, something like Monaco, what would be the first law you'd make?
JL: Mayonnaise would be a required ingredient of all food.
RA: What's your sign?
JL: What street are we on?
RA: In the long run, does Moby really matter?
JL: Who? *laughter*
RA: On average, how many instruments do you break a year?
JL: 3.347
RA: If you worked at a hotel that Courtney Love has called and demanded to have a masseuse for her night's stay, would you actually get the yellow pages and look one up for her?
JL: I wouldn't work at a hotel that Courtney Love would stay at.
RA: Do you believe that tobacco has radioactive lead in it?
JL: I hope so.
RA: If you were to name a band fronted by your arch-nemesis, what would you name it?
JL: ***** ******** and The Jak Lockes. It doesn't get much worse than that.